What Happens in the Home
by Emily in Neverland
Summary: Emily and Phaedra were orphans, causing trouble and mischief where ever they pleased when a house full of men (and a woman) decided to adopt them. Crackfic ladies and gents. Not particular plotline. If all goes well, I may add one but so far. Nope.
1. Grapes in the Sky

Grapes in the Sky

Emily and Phaedra looked at the two story, almost school like building. Around them were backpacks and suitcases. Emily held a piece of paper and Phaedra leaned over to look too.

"Is this the right spot?" Phaedra asked. She was about a head taller than Emily and in much nicer clothes.

"I think so? The numbers on the building are right." Emily said pushing her bangs out of her face. Emily's hair was cut very short; Phaedra's was long and put up in a ponytail. Emily's attire gave her very little figure; with her short hair it was easy to mistake her for a boy. Phaedra shrugged and picked up her stuff and Emily followed suit. The approached the door and Emily scrutinized the paper while Phaedra knocked on the door. They both stood politely waiting for the recipient to answer. When the minutes ticked by and no one answered, Emily turned to her paper looking hard at the numbers. Phaedra ran a ways over to a window and peeked in.

"I SEE MOVEMENT!" She called.

"Phae! Stop that! You're gonna get us sent back before we even settle in!" Emily scolded. She turned back to her paper and chewed her lip, matching numbers and directions.

"What." The door opened and tall blonde said eyeing Emily up and down. She looked up in surprise before holding the paper out to him. He took it and shut the door. Phaedra jogged back over and looked at her friend.

"Are we in the right place?" She asked

"I don't know he took my paper." Emily said pointing at the door.

"Well." Phaedra said looking at the door then to Emily. "Now what?"

"Get my paper back?" Emily shrugged. Phaedra nodded and banged loudly on the door.

"Phae you knock like a pissed off cop." Emily giggled, Phaedra laughed manically then the door opened and an even taller man opened the door. Both girls had to look up at him.

"Can I have my paper back?" Emily asked

"Fuck you're tall!" Phaedra blurted out. "The hell! I wanna be that tall!"

"Get stilts." Emily deadpanned. Phaedra contemplated this and nodded.

"That'd be a solution yeah." Phaedra nodded.

"Who took your paper?" The man asked roughly.

"The blonde one?" Emily said trying to be helpful. "I need it back; it's got the address we're supposed to be at on it. I think it's wrong, but it also has the important stuff on it, so I need it back." The door then shut again. Phaedra looked over at Emily who stood there holding her hand out for her paper that was never returned.

"Okay. I'm gonna knock again and this time, I'LL do the talking." Phaedra said, like Emily had no people skill to speak of.

"Be my guest." Emily said stepping aside. Phaedra raised her fist to knock on the door but before her knuckles could touch the wood the door flew open. This time a woman answered the door.

"How many people live here?!" Emily asked loudly.

"Maybe it's an apartment complex" Phaedra suggested.

"Small fucking complex" Emily retorted.

"Who gave you this?" The woman asked holding Emily's paper.

"Our house-nanny." Emily said unsurely. "If you don't know, she probably gave us the wrong address."

"This address isn't supposed to exist." She stated

"I told you she wanted us to get lost." Phaedra said. "She did it on purpose!"

"Well after the porcelain Barbie incident I don't really blame her." Emily shrugged.

"We walked in circles for four hours!" Phaedra whined.

"It wasn't a circle; I swear those trees were different!" Emily defended. "Wait, this place isn't supposed to exist?" Both girls turned to the woman still in the doorway.

"You should go back where you came from." She said

"Well at least we can take the straight way to hell and not go in circles for FOUR HOURS!" Phaedra yelled picking up her stuff.

"WE WEREN'T GOING IN CIRCLES!" Emily yelled. Then she sighed and turned "My everything hurts now" She muttered.

"Where exactly, DID, you come from?" The woman asked, sounding slightly defeated.

"Orphanage out by the middle of nowhere and half past desolation, and smack dab in the middle of hopelessness." Emily said sarcastically.

"Two stops after giving up entirely, but if you see the light you've gone too far" Phaedra hopped in. Emily nodded. The woman sighed heavily before stepping aside.

"You're in the right place. Come on, I'll show you to your room." She said heavily. The girls looked at each other, then they grinned and hoisted there things and ran inside. They kicked off their shoes and put them neatly among the others.

"You're names?" The woman prompted as she shut the door and walked inside the room.

"I'm Phaedra." Phaedra said sweetly

"And I'm Emily." Emily said cockily. She was given a strange look, she then rolled her eyes "Yes, I'm a girl." Phaedra laughed and the woman nodded and led them into a long hall.

"After you set up in your room I'll introduce you to your new housemates." The woman said.

"So, what about you? Do we get to call you mom?" Phaedra said shyly, almost inaudibly. The woman snapped back to them. Emily shoved her elbow into her friend's ribs.

"Hush Phae! You're too forward." Emily whispered harshly.

"Who, exactly sent you here and why?" The woman asked bending to their level. Looking at them very curious.

"Well, we're orphans." Emily shrugged. "Our house-nanny said there was a family here that wanted to adopt us."

"I didn't realize we'd have housemates." Phaedra said excitedly. "Are there any kids our age here?" The question actually made the woman snort in amusement.

"No dear, there aren't any children here. But yes, you may call me mom." She smiled, standing back up. "If you don't care to Emily dear, my name is Konan." Emily shrugged mumbling to herself.

"Oh God, you let them in. Hm." The blonde who'd answered the door first said as he approached the three.

"She's adopted us! Of course she let us in!" Phaedra said cheerily. The blonde man looked at Konan with a confused face, his mouth open a little bit in the confusion.

"Does Pein know about this? Hm." He asked finally.

"We'll get there." Konan shrugged. "Girls, this is one of the housemates. Care to introduce yourself?" She said in a rather venomous tone.

"No. Not really. Hm. I don't care for kids. Especially girls. Hm" The blonde huffed walking away.

"That was Deidara. He doesn't get better." Konan sighed. Continuing to lead them down a hall. "I suggest you leave most of these men alone."

"They're all dudes?" Emily jumped. "That's weird. You're the only girl?"

"It's complicated." Konan laughed. "Don't you two mind it. Here is you're room." The door opened and the room was bare, the only furniture was two beds, a dresser and a desk with a chair.

"We have our own room?" Emily asked, a little surprised.

"Fuck the room! Can you believe the beds are separate and OFF the floor!" Phaedra jumped. She ran into the room and jumped on to the bed. Bouncing off the mattress and laying on the bed happily. "Ohhh this is nice."

"Does the dresser work?" Emily asked hesitantly opening the drawers and shutting them. "Oh My God it does!"

"There are two of you; there should be a second dresser in the closet." Konan said she looked down the hall. "Hey! Come help!" She commanded, causing both the girls to jump to attention. Then a darker haired man came to her assistance but then looked in the room slightly confused.

"The girls need the second dresser out of the closet and their things in the room. Give me a hand." She ordered. He shrugged and picked up Phaedra's pink sparkly suitcase and Emily's plain black backpack and brought them in. Placing them on the desk while the girls watched awkwardly. Konan brought in Phaedra's lavender backpack and Emily's dark red and black suitcase. The bags were set on the desk and dresser and the adults turned to the closet. Inside was a second plain dresser.

"Where do you two want it?" Konan asked, The girls looked at each other, then the room. "Well, wait. There isn't much room for two dressers… Let's push the beds together."

"Hey Konan I thought you-Whoa" A very tall and more than a little unusual man peeked in, at first talking to the girls new mom then looking at them. "What, is all this?"

"These are my girls." Konan responded simply. "You have perfect timing. We need the furniture moved."

"Ah hell." He swore, then sighed and grudgingly walked in.

"Shit! You're tall too!" Phaedra huffed. Then she looked at Emily. "Do you think hanging around tall people makes you tall?" Emily took a moment then snorted and laughed.

"Oh yeah. That'll do it!" She giggled. This caused a few giggles from two of the adults in the room.

"Heh, okay. Where are we moving the bed?" The tall unusual one said.

"I want the bed over there moved in a left rotation to the head of that bed and the dressers placed there and there and the desk…" Konan was ordering left and right but she had no idea what to do with the desk.

"Put it the middle of the room." Phaedra said cheerily. "Facing the door." The adults looked at each other and nodded.

"Yeah okay. That works. Perfect." Konan nodded "Alright, you two do that and I'm going to go run this whole adoption thing by Pein."

"You haven't done that yet?" The unusual one asked incredulously. "Should we wait on this until we know they're actually staying?"

"No, they're staying." Konan said decisively "But he should probably know their names."

"And the rest of us, just aren't important?"

"Not really." She said coldly

"Ouch." Phaedra said

"Damn, you're going to need a bandage for that burn." Emily laughed. They got up and followed the woman out of the room. She led them down the halls, the girls both giggled and played about as they were led; they peeked into rooms and other halls. They then came to big glass doors with white screens that kept people from looking in. Suddenly both girls felt afraid, and very nervous.

"Is he nice?" Phaedra asked shyly.

"Just, just wait right here until I come back out." Konan said then opened the door and walked in.

"I think that was a no." Emily whispered.

"I think so too." Phaedra said. "But these windows would be so pretty if they were stained glass."

"Oh yeah." Emily nodded "Stained glass windows are beautiful no matter where they are."

"As true as this is," A voice said suddenly making both girls jump in fear. They turned to another man with a mask, "What are you two doing here?"

"We. … Got… … …Adopted?" Emily said slowly and very unsurely. "The lady.. … …adopted…. … …us?"

"Oh." He nodded "In there?" He pointed to the glass doors and the girls nodded. "Fantastic." He passed by them and walked in the room.

"So many people!" Emily whispered

"You think we're in a whore house but instead of girls, their guys?" Phaedra asked in a hushed tone.

"That would make Konan the Madame." Emily said "Wouldn't it?"

"Not if she has to double check with a higher up about keeping us." Phaedra shrugged. "There could be a Mister instead of a Madame."

"A masculine Madame is Master." Emily corrected. There was loud yelling now coming from the room. "Master is mad."

"I still think it's a Mister." Phaedra said shortly. "I like Mister better."

"I like Madame." Emily retorted as they listened to the arguing of three voices, yelling about how the girls were staying no matter what. "It really sounds like she's the Madame."

"Yes it does." Phaedra nodded. Both girls jumped to the side as the masked man stormed away and the woman came out with a bright smile.

"Come on in." She said sweetly. The girls took deep, deep breaths and walked in. There was a series of windows and facing the windows was a different man.

"I told you it was a mister," Phaedra whispered.

"And I told you the masculine of Madame is Master." Emily whispered back.

"Actually the masculine of Madame is a Sir." He said turning around. "So. These are the girls you are so intent on keeping?"

"Yes they are." Konan said very firmly.

"Do have names?" He asked

"I'm Emily." Emily said jumping up fearlessly. "And she's Phaedra." Emily gave a fearless air though she was terrified but in her mind, both girls couldn't both be frightened at the same time. He nodded and began pacing. There wasn't any furniture in the room, it was very plain and boring and poorly lit.

"Well, good luck." He stated with little to no emotion. "Go on." The girls nodded and walked out feeling a bit dejected. They got back to their room and it was all moved to the way it was supposed to be, and it was empty. They sat on their respective beds depressed.

"OMGod!" Phaedra sat up suddenly. Emily looked over at her friend surprised. "I have an idea! I perfect idea to make him like us!"

"Yeah?" Emily said hopefully.

"Yeah." Phaedra smiled. "You still got those paints?"


	2. It Came From My Head

It Came From My Head!

Emily was on her hands and knees. This was a very interesting series of events that led to her friend pushing her over and on to her knees. She heard her back snap a couple of times as her friend's shoes found her spine.

"Ow! Phae!" Emily growled

"Sorry!" Phaedra whispered "Just hold still a little bit longer."

"Well hurry up! I want to do a few panes too!" Emily responded.

"Okay!" She jumped down and dropped to her hands and knees for her friend. Emily got up and scraped the dirt off her knees and hands and stood on her back with the paint. She painted a few panes of the big windows that were in the big empty room the Sir had been in. It was late at night and everyone had retreated to their depths of their where evers. No one had seen the girls leave their room or leave the house and navigate the house from the outside. They had issues finding the right windows. The easy part was the glass doors inside the house, but once they got outside it was a whole other story.

"I hope these are the right windows." Emily said as she painted lovely flowers around Phaedra's drawing on a Unicorn.

"Well, if they aren't whoever's they are will probably thank us anyway for making their windows so awesome!" Phaedra whispered in a strained tone.

"True" Emily nodded painting a rainbow under the mythical horse. "In that spirit why shouldn't we just paint all the windows? Then everyone will like us faster."

"That's genius." Phaedra said impressed. "Nui. You're genius."

"I have my moments." Emily smiled, hopping down from her friends back. "Alright next window~ We should do all mythical stuff! Like fairytales and stuff!"

"Yeah! I love it!" Phaedra stood up happily. "Let's get this shit done!"

The next day, the girls slept in til about noon, and when they roused themselves from their beds they looked about the room and to their own window which they had apparently painted as well.

"Is.. … Is that a, a, painting of red riding hood?" Emily asked looking at the window.

"And the big bad wolf too!" Phaedra smiled. "Damn we're awesome." They both giggled and rolled lazily out of the bed. Emily dressed quickly and was ready to go scavenge for breakfast. Phaedra took her sweet time about getting dressed.

Eventually the two wandered to the kitchen and began scrounging through for something edible.

"There you two are!" Konan exclaimed. Opening the door to the dining room, "I've been looking for you two. Come on, make a few sandwiches and follow me." The girls did as they were told and followed, snacking on their sandwiches. In a large room with lots of chairs and couches in dark colors was filled with men all looking at the girls. On the window was a painting of kids flying in a starry night sky.

"Wow! That's pretty!" Emily exclaimed pointing at the window, "Who's the artist?"

"Is it supposed to be Peter Pan?" Phaedra asked looking at it closer. "I love it! Can we take a picture and frame it?!"

"Are you trying to convince us you two had nothing to do with it?" A voice piped up rather disbelieving.

"Why ever would we make any trouble before we've been here for more than a day?" Emily said oh so innocently. "If you don't want us here, you don't have to try and frame us. 'Sides, our windows painted too and if we did it, we would have picked our favorite fairytale stuffs to put on ours. Also. How the fuck would we know where all the windows are?" Phaedra hung her head.

"Is this place going to be like the last place our nanny sent us to?" Phaedra whispered, leaning over.

"By painting on the windows?" Emily whispered back leaning as well "Nah, this is much better. I'd much rather be in trouble wrongly by painting on windows than the basement bullshit."

"I don't want to talk about that." Phaedra deadpanned looking up blankly.

"So what now." Emily addressed to the room with a heavy sigh.

"Don't play fucking games with us. Hm." The familiar voice of Deidara piped up.

"Really?" Emily said now sounding very irate. "Really? Does that even sound right to anyone? We haven't been here a fucking day, the hell we would we go about vandalizing shit? Because we hate it here? Well, fucking news flash! We haven't been here long enough to hate it!"

"So far though…" Phaedra trailed off looking back toward the window.

"I know right." Emily mumbled to her. "Usually they wait a week before mud-slinging."

"I expected a kid our age to be framing us," Phaedra snorted. "Y'know, jealousy and all that. This is a new one."

"I think it's only going to get stranger from here." Emily sighed. "I admit, being framed for creating artwork should be… flattering?"

"I don't feel flattered." Phaedra said pouting.

"I'm confused as hell, but I won't push it." Emily shrugged. "Some people just don't like art. But someone or someone's in this room must be very talented." Konan was smiling, in a very vindictive way.

"Go ahead to your breakfast girls." She smiled "You've made your point." The girls nodded and walked away sullenly. When they got back to the kitchen their faces broke into huge grins.

"Damn we're good!" Phaedra laughed. High-fiving her friend. "You think they bought it?"

"Mm. I hope so. I think we'll need more details on the basement if it doesn't." Emily said fetching the bread. "I want another sammich. A toasty one."

"Ooh! Me too!" Phaedra piped up. "And bravo my good friend. That Peter Pan is a masterpiece~ and the basement needs a masterpiece too."

"Why thank you my dearest pal, and yes. We'll get to work on that after breakfast." Emily said rather grandly.

"I thought so." Both girls jumped almost onto the counter. They looked over at a man; they recognized him as one of the ones who'd moved the furniture.

"Which one painted the cat on my window?" He asked. Completely unemotional.

"It's a Cheshire cat." Phaedra said meekly.

"It's adorable." He stated. He then turned and left without another word.

"Huh." Emily stated. "Well then."

"Unexpected but. Welcome." Phaedra said with a small smile. "I think you hit the nail on the head with it getting stranger from here."

"Yeah-huh." Emily sighed popping bread into the toaster. "I wonder what the rest of the pictures look like,"

"Yeah I barely remember what we painted." Phaedra said taking sandwich dressings out. "Let's go looking."

"You wanna play Mission Impossible?" Emily giggled.

"Hell yeah! You get caught you lose?" Phaedra asked.

"Yup. Trophies?" Emily asked?

"Oh yeah. One for every room that belongs to a person." Phaedra said "I like distractions, but not messy."

"Okay no mess, Messy distraction is a penalty?" Emily asked putting together a sandwich.

Surely!" Phaedra nodded

After the sandwiches were made the girls began wandering the halls. They went to the Sir's doors and it was painted with colors of all sorts in no real order with sort of silhouettes of little animals.

"My Neighbor Totoro?" Emily suggested.

"Mm. Think so." Phaedra said. "Looks like it. Good art, must be yours." Emily stuck her tongue out at her friend. They got up and walked to the next room a few feet down the hall. They slowly slid the door open so slowly and peeked in. The inside had a nice bed and a vanity.

"Mom's room?" Phaedra whispered. She then slid out of the way for Emily to peek in and Phaedra to watch the hall.

"Yeah, think so." Emily whispered. "No movement, no sound. Empty." Emily slid in and Phaedra nonchalantly slid in. The door slid closed and they walked to the window and it was painted with dragons and dragonslayers.

"That's badass." Phaedra said.

"Figures we'd draw that here." Emily giggled. Then they began looking about the room. Emily slid to the dresser and Phaedra slid to the vanity. Emily didn't touch though she heard Phaedra rifling through drawers. Emily found a small white paper crane, she nodded and slid it into her pocket. She turned around and Phaedra held a small piece of jewelry in her hand. She slid it on her finger and they walked out of the room. They stepped along to the next room, Emily stood back to Phaedra looking down the halls back and forth. Phaedra slid the door ever so slightly, waiting to hear any sound. She heard movement inside and she tapped her friend's back and she moved to the middle of the hall where Phaedra followed and they stood watching each other's backs and froze in position.

The door opened and the girls sprung to action, sliding about each other and gracefully moving in between the respective limbs yelling at each other and insulting their respective nonexistant families. It was a very well-practiced dance.

"Alright, alright!" The room's inhabitant sighed. He grabbed the girls by their arms and yanked them away from each other. "Knock it off."

"Okay." Both girls said hanging their heads.

"Uh-huh." He nodded. "You two wanted to see the windows." Both girls looked up at him in a very suspicious manner.

"Yeah, we did." Phaedra said slightly apprehensively.

"Go on then." He sighed and the girls slid out of his grip into the room. He waited in the hall and the girls looked at the sea creatures and children among them.

"Is this Ponyo?" Emily whispered close.

"Uh-huh."

"Is it ironic that he kind of…"

"Uh-huh."

"Damn we're good." Phaedra smiled over at her friend and they both gave a small giggle. Then they peeked about the room without moving their heads.

"Does this count as being caught?" Phaedra whispered.

"Yeah. I think so." Emily sighed

"We both lost. Play again?" Phaedra suggested.

"Oh absolutely!" Emily smiled, the girls calmly walked out of the room stopping only to thank the person who'd caught them. Once he'd retreated back into his room. The girls walked to the room across from the last one, it was a few feet left of it. They nudged the door a bit then listened for movement, they heard nothing so they slowly slid it open. Phaedra peeked in to the room and found herself staring at the Cheshire cat window. And right below it was the rooms occupant. He was staring at her expectantly.

"Oh Damn it!" She huffed Emily turned and looked in and saw the person.

"We're going to need to get better at this game." Emily murmured.

"What are you two doing?" He asked finally.

"Nothing anymore." Phaedra snapped.

"We wanted to look at all the window pictures." Emily shrugged. "You know all sneaky like." He stared at her. Phaedra pouted and huffed.

"Do all of you just stay in your rooms or something?" She accused. He gave her a stare that said 'yeah, pretty much,' The girls huffed and sagged their shoulders.

"I guess we could just ask like boring people." Phaedra huffed turning. Emily was about to follow when she saw the room's occupant get up and approach them.

"C'mon." He said and the girls shrugged and followed first peeking in to see the painted cat in a tree and a girl in a blue dress with long brown locks speaking to it. Phaedra followed quickly while Emily nipped in the room and swiped an item from the shelving by the door.

He led the girls to their room, they were pretty sure they were in trouble. See the real goal of Mission Impossible is to swipe the items without being caught, the girls had their items waiting to see if he'd demand they return them. The Cheshire cat, as the girls began referring to him, stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame.

"Let's play hide and seek." He said, then turned around. "Hide." He commanded and the girls jumped to their feet and looked about their room before scooting into places they considered sneaky. After a few more moments of hiding, Cheshire turned back around and glanced over the room. He approached the closet and then turned away. He went to Phaedra's bed and lifted the mattress to reveal Phaedra.

"Am I it?" She asked happily.

"You need to be better at hiding." He stated then turned to stare at Emily behind the dresser; she stood and brushed herself off.

"Okay then. What do you suggest?" Emily snapped a bit shortly. He turned and went back to the doorframe.

"Blend." He commanded this time. The girls looked at each other than thought about this. He turned back around and the girls stared at him.

"Like… With oil pastels?" Emily asked with hand gestures. He sighed and walked into the room, and stood between the two girls.

"When you hide, blend in." He said. "Use the things around you to hide."

The girls spent the day learning to hide mostly in their room but eventually they were able to move on to other rooms and halls. It was so much fun that the girls forgot all about the windows. They played about and hid well and learned to blend about with their surroundings. The night began to settle in when the girls were escorted back to their rooms.

"That was so fun!" Phaedra giggled jumping on to her bed. "Thanks Cheshire Cat!" He looked at the girls as they giggled and talked.

"Wait if he's the cat does that make you Alice or me?" Emily jumped pointing.

"Hmm… I don't think either of us are Alice." Phaedra mused "I think we're more the Hatter and March Hare."

"But then we're missing the Doormouse." Emily huffed. "Oh this is so difficult."

"Hey! Itachi! 'Been looking for you!" The tall guy with the Ponyo pictures on his window yelled coming over into the doorway.

"Cheshire Cat has a name?" Phaedra said impressed. Emily gave her a cynical look.

"Yeah he has a name; just because we call him something different doesn't replace his actual name." Emily said with a yawn.

"S'pose so, but if no name is ever given doesn't it leave open for interpretation?" Phaedra noted.

"Interpretation? Yes. Replacement? No." Emily explained. "Not quite how that works."

"You guys weren't introduced to anyone?" The Ponyo windowed man asked. The girls shrugged.

"No one really talked to us that long." Phaedra said so sweetly.

"We met, give or take, the blonde one." Emily reminded, "What's his face, Deidara?"

"No wonder you didn't get introduced to anyone else." Ponyo laughed,

"No, actually it is a wonder." Emily corrected "If left unintroduced we are not liable when we replace previously stated names." Emily had a way of making herself much more intelligent then she usually was.

"Yeah, well okay. Anyway." Ponyo said rolling his eyes. "Itachi, have you seen my ring? I think I misplaced it." Cheshire cat(Or Itachi if you want to be accurate like a boring thing.) looked at his own hand then at Ponyo's.

"Mine's gone too." He said then looked at the girls who both cocked their heads at them in confusion.

"Are you two married?" Phaedra asked in surprised. Ponyo waved his hands wildly back and forth and shook his head no.

"No! No no no." He said "No. We ALL Wear rings." Emily looked at Phaedra then back to the two men in their doorway.

"So… This is some kind of polygamist household?" Emily asked and Cheshire Cat got a very far off look and Ponyo hid his face in his hands.

"NO! The rings allow us to talk to each other telepathically." Ponyo said loudly. The both girls then nodded in understanding.

"Oh ok then. Does it send pictures or just words?" Phaedra asked,

"Uh… why?" Ponyo asked suspiciously.

"Well, what good is having telepathy if you don't fuck with people's heads?" Phaedra asked so innocently though if you looked hard enough you could almost see the devil horns on her head. Emily burst out laughing at the implications of such a thing,

"That'd be evil!" Beautiful, but evil!" she snorted. "Seriously best way to torture two people simultaneously."

"Or just one, the other could be oblivious." Phaedra said then got a mischievous look on her face. "This needs to be a thing. Whenever one of you get your whatsits back you should lend me one so I can mess with people."

"Why on earth would we do that?" Cheshire cat asked shaking his head.

"Because you're a nice person and we're probably going to end up going back to the orphanage anyway?" Emily piped up in a rather disinterested tone. They both looked at Emily, the silently left still shaking their heads.

"I'M TAKING THAT AS A YES!" Phaedra yelled after them before getting up and shutting the door. She turned to Emily and grinned "Shall we play some more?"


	3. Fish Cake Hurricane

Fish Cake Hurricane!

Emily was on the ceiling of a room looking pretty impressed at a painted picture of a girl in a green dress, a scarecrow, a man of metal, a lion and a small black dog looking up at a giant green city. Phaedra was under the bed while the room's occupant, the blonde one who hates small girls, was sitting in the room messing with a lump of clay. He'd come in while the girls were rifling through his things and they hid quickly. Phaedra, being closest to the door had to dive under the bed while Emily jumped from the headboard of the bed to the ceiling.

The stakes in the game were slightly higher now that they were playing in territory beyond those that were attached to them. Emily slid silently to the window, before looking at Phaedra and mouthing numbers. On Three, she slid the window open quickly and loudly and leapt out it and bolted into another open window. Right on to an in-use desk. Emily stared at the rooms occupant before looking back out the window in confusion.

"Am I on the wrong side of the house?" She asked.

While Deidara stared at the open window and got up to see what opened it. Phaedra jumped from under the bed but before she could make it to the door she was caught.

"Hold it!" He barked.

"Oh fuck." Phaedra sighed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, hm." He asked, turning her to face him.

"Looking at the windows." She said, pouting. "But you weren't here when we knocked so we thought we'd pop in and then pop back out."

"We? Emily." He concluded looking at the window. Then snorted. "The only open window on this side of the house is Kakuzu's, hm."

"Is that bad?" Phaedra asked worried, he just snickered in return. That unsettled Phaedra a bit. "Well. I guess that means she needs me so I'm just gonna…" Phaedra said trying to escape from the room.

"Like hell you are!" He jerked her back. "Don't you know trespassing is bad behavior? Hm."

"Well duh. Why do you think we were doing it?" Phaedra asked with a skeptical look. He looked at her hard at this statement before smirking.

"Yeah okay. Hm. That's a pretty good answer." He said with a small chuckle. "How many rooms have you snuck into so far. Hm."

"Well, um. The tall blue one, Itachi's, At least that's what Emily told me his name was-" Phaedra said recalling the rooms.

"You got into Itachi's room? Hm." Deidara said impressed. "He never leaves it."

"Yeah we noticed." Phaedra said dryly.

"I'm not too sure I believe you. Hm."

"Oh yeah?" Phaedra challenged before holding up a small silver ring.

"You. You stole his ring?!" Deidara gaped.

"Yosh I did!" Phaedra said so triumphantly. "Off his hand."

"Well you'd have to; we aren't supposed to take these off ever. Hm." Deidara said letting go of the girl. "That's pretty good kid. Hm."

"Well if you and I on good enough terms will you tell me if these things send pictures or just words to the recipient?" Phaedra asked facing him happily. "I know their telepathetic but not how."

"I don't know. Hm." Deidara mused before his face changing to a very confused one "Wait. Tele-PATHETIC?"

"Yeah. Y'know when you communicate non-verbally?" Phaedra responded confused if he didn't know what the word meant.

"Tele-PATHIC." Deidara corrected her.

"Yeah. That's what I said. Telepathetic." Phaedra said.

"Yeah okay whatever. Hm." Deidara sighed "Why do you want to know?"

"Easy, if you can send pictures and movies and stuff you can really fuck with other's minds!" Phaedra smiled happily.

"Yeah okay I see that. Hm." Deidara nodded "But I'm not sure."

"Well, let's see." Phaedra said slipping the stolen ring on her finger. "How do I do this?" Deidara taught her the basics of using the ring and Phaedra thought hard about an old t.v show she used to watch.

"What the hell am I seeing? Hm." Deidara asked

"Ooh! Let's try sound!" Phaeadra said excitedly. She tried to put the sound it to it but ended up just playing songs she knew.

"I'm hearing music… Hm." He said contemplatively.

"Can you tell it's me?" Phaedra asked "It might be bad if they can tell."

"Not if you don't use your own voice. Hm. Pein might." Deidara said

"Well hmmm…." Phaedra hummed. "Yeah, that's not a problem, I can work with that."

"Oh good, Hm. What exactly are you using it for?"

"Mischief, mayhem, no good." Phaedra shrugged. "Fun things really. Why? Don't you trust me?"

"No. Not really. Hm." He deadpanned.

"That might be a smart choice." Phaedra grinned. "Either way. Now you have some fun pranks to play on your coworkers, colleagues, whore circles, whatever you all are."

"Did you really just say 'whore circles?'" He asked

"What? This isn't a whorehouse or something?" Phaedra asked genuinely surprised.

"What?! NO!" He yelled. Phaedra narrowed her eyes at him, trying to tell is he was telling the truth.

"Then why are you all guys here and whipped by the only girl?" Phaedra asked crossing her arms. He opened his mouth to retort then closed it pouting slightly.

"Does look kindof bad doesn't it. Hm." He asked kind of quietly.

"Yeah" Phaedra nodded leaning in and speaking just as quiet. "Can I go now?" He looked at her skeptically.

"Fine. Hm. But Don't think I won't get you back." He said pointing at her.

"I look forward to it!" Phaedra grinned. She then skipped out of the room.

~…~

"Am I on the wrong side of the house?" Emily asked. There was no response. She stepped carefully off the desk, feeling a bit sheepish and nervous. She nodded and turned to leave.

"Stop." The room's occupant barked. "Where's the other girl?"

"Probably in the room by now." Emily said a little timidly. "We were racing back to the room; I guess I ran into the wrong window." The room's occupant growled low and Emily smiled sheepishly and began baking away. "Look, I'm really sorry. It was an honest mistake!" Emily then backed into something and she turned to find a tall woman.

"Well look what the cat dragged in." She said grabbing the Emily's arm roughly.

"Ow! Ease up!" Emily protested. Grabbing the hand holding her.

"What are you doing in here, hm?" She asked. "Shouldn't you be playing in the mud or something."

"I'm a girl. Not A Boy!" Emily jumped angrily.

"Oh." The woman let her go with a very disgusted face. "Are you one of THOSE girls?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Emily huffed angrily. Rubbing the area the woman grabbed her. The woman made a disgusted noise, and wiped her hand off on her pants as if she touched something disgusting. Emily rolled her eyes.

"Gross, I touched it." The woman whined.

"Whatever." Emily sighed, rolling her eyes. "What a cunt." She mumbled under her breath.

"I heard that!" The woman jumped, grabbing Emily's shirt collar. "No degenerate talks to me that way!"

"Who are YOU calling degenerate!" Emily jumped.

"BOTH OF YOU GET OUT OF HERE!" The man at the desk turned and yelled at the two of them. Startling them both. The woman glared at Emily and Emily glared back.

"Let go please." Emily said monotonously. The woman pushed her away roughly and Emily left the room trying not to look back. Outside the room was Phaedra, looking a little happy.

"Hey-Whoa, hey." Phaedra said worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a fucking bitch." Emily said roughly. "I don't want to come back to this side of the house if we can avoid it."

"Oh! Okay.. Sure Yeah." Phaedra nodded. "Want me to get even." Emily looked back at the door then to Phaedra.

"Yes. Yes. I do." Emily nodded. "I'm going back to our room. I'm not in the mood for any more games."

"Okay…" Phaedra said as she watched her friend leave. Then she felt a bit depressed and rather determined to finish the game by herself. She ran to a supply closet and grabbed a can of spray smell stuff and a zip tie. She put the can in position and listened at the door. She for sure heard a woman's voice and occasionally a man's. It was good enough confirmation for her. She pulled the can into position, threw open the door and yelled 'FIRE IN THE HOLE!' and threw it into the room.

The occupants of the room both flinched and began coughing at the spray can. Phaedra slipped in and peeked at the window, it was a picture of a woman holding an apple out to a lovely princess. She then took trophies from the two occupants and fled the room. Running down the hall and flying into an open door, quite literally as her knees collided with a hunched over figure and sent her sprawling into its room. When Phaedra actually looked into the room she noted the bodies hanging from the ceiling.

"Oh My God," She gasped. "I'm in the room of a psychopath."

"Get out." The figure barked at her. Phaedra stood up and ducked to avoid hitting the puppets.

"Oh wait. These aren't real. They're toys." Phaedra said relieved. "Ha. Sorry, my bad. It just looked kinda bad from my point of view.

"What part of get out did you not understand?" He asked approaching her.

"Wow! These have some real good detailing! These must have taken days!" Phaedra said acting a little overly sweet. She did notice this thing now in front of her happened to not quite have easily accessible hands.

"Out." It commanded.

"I am." She stated "I am out, of my room and in yours. Who did all this?"

"Why does it concern you?" He asked

"Cuz I'm curious. These are cool." Phaedra poked a few of them and then spent more time touching others.

"I made them now stop touching!" He barked. Phaedra dropped her hands to her pockets.

"But. But. They're cool." Phaedra said quietly. "Like real cool." He just narrowed his eyes at her. "How'd you do all these? It had to take a long, long time."

"Bloodline." He stated and Phaedra looked around.

"D'ya just snap your fingers or?" Phaedra asked looking about.

"Want me to turn you into one?" He threatened and she shook her head no.

"I was just curious." She said defensively. "Jeez, you make it sound like appreciation is a bad thing."

"What makes you think I care what you think?" He asked

"Cuz I'm a sneaky bitch?" She said shrugging. "I'm pretty good at it." The man snorted. "No! It's true! Look!" Phaedra then showed off two silver rings.

"… … … Are those Kakuzu's and Itachi's rings?" He asked slightly impressed.

"Yup. I snuck 'em right off." She said so very proudly. She loved showing off her skills.

"That is impressive." He said.

"Do you care what I think now?" She asked hopefully.

"No." He stated

"Awww." Phaedra whined. "But I'm impressive."

"That really means nothing here." He said. Phaedra then began poking him, in different places.

"What are you anyway? You have a- Eek!" Phaedra poked a side and squealed as it sunk way lower than it should have. "YOU HAVE NO SKIN MUSCLE OR BONES! HOW ARE YOU A THING?!" Phaedra began poking the spot repeatedly as she yelled until something moved inside and blocked her pokes from sinking in.

"Stop that. I haven't gotten around to fixing that panel." He said. Phaedra poked the now hard surface.

"A Panel… Wait!" Phaedra jumped. "This is some kind of body armor then!"

"Yes. It is." He said. It was obvious he was losing patience.

"Soo why haven't you fixed the broken hole yet?" Phaedra asked.

"I was trying when you barged in." He said

"You fix it from the inside?" She asked now feeling around the area that was a hole but something was blocking her. It had the outline of a hand, that must mean the person inside was… normalish?  
>"No."<p>

"Well I'm not stopping you." Phaedra stated stepping backward. "I'm curious."

"Curiousity killed the cat," He said

"And satisfaction brought it back!" Phaedra said "Please!?"

"No! Get out of here!"

"Heyyy… Oh god." Deidara walked in huffing when he saw Phaedra.

"Still waiting for the revenge!" She told him happily.

"Phaedra. Did you throw some kind of grenade into a room? Hm." He asked. Phaedra just giggled.

"Yeah. Why? Am I in trouble again?" Phaedra asked.

"No. But Emily might be. Hm." Deidara pointed. "They went off in that direction."

"Nui's a big girl and she can handle herself." Phaedra shrugged. "She's pretty good at taking a beating if she has to." The adults stared at her incredulously. "Now, can I PLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE see the body armor!" The two adults looked back and forth between each other, and then Deidara shrugged in an 'it doesn't matter anyway' look and shut the door behind him. Phaedra looked at the closed door then around the people.

"Oh my gooood. Am I in a club now?" Phaedra whispered

"Sure kid. Hm. Sure." Deidara said ruffling her hair. Then the hunched over figure shifted under his cloak and rose up out of it. The mis-shaped black coat fell away and a short red head stepped out of the armor. He then peeled the clothing away to reveal a large puppet with, a missing back panel.

"Oooh." Phaedra sunk down. "How does it work? Are they're buttons?"

"No, I can control it like this." The man said, and little blue strings appeared from his fingertips and the body began moving.

"Omgod!" Phaedra yelled jumping back. "Thasssawesssomme!"

"You're so easily amused. Hm. Did you even bother looking at the window?" Deidara asked pointing.

"I've seen lotsa windows." Phaedra waved, "They aren't nearly as interesting."

"You mean you snuck into everyone's room, but this one. Hm." Deidara asked slightly irritated.

"Seems so." Phaedra nodded absently. "Can you do that to all of these?" Phaedra motioned to the ceiling.

"I can." The redhead nodded. Now fixing the broken back panel.

"You broke it again? Hm" Deidara asked. "You really need to make that part much stronger."

"I'll do what I like with my toys." He growled.

"Well no, Deidara has a point." Phaedra jumped in. "If a particular thing breaks too easily it doesn't serve much purpose. It becomes useless."

"I'm starting to like you more and more. Hm." Deidara said chipper as he messed her hair up some more.

"Stooooop…." Phaedra whined. "You'll make it all messssysyyyyyyyy."

"Okay. Both of you. Get out." The redhead popped up. Eventually both were physically thrown from the room to which Phaedra, having acquired all the trophies, decided to head back to her own room.


	4. Baked Pudding Waffles

Baked Pudding Waffles

Emily was lying on her bed, one wrist held in front of her and she stared at it contemplatively. The other hand held a kunai she'd nicked from the Cheshire Cat's room. Her wrist was covered with intricate designs she'd carved into it. She had a bad habit when she was in emotional pain, and that was to counter it with physical pain. She heard a loud cry of 'Fire in the hole!' then running down the hall. Out of paranoia she slid the sharp utensil under her bed and slid her jacket on over her wrists and quickly grabbed her book. The running went past, and Emily took a moment, her wrist still singing, and actually began reading her book.

Then, very loud running. Like someone much heavier than Phaedra was pursuing. And of course, they through open the door to Emily's room and there stood the bitch woman and the man who had been occupying the room.

"THE HELL WAS THAT?" The bitch woman yelled.

"Ask Phaedra?" Emily said unsurely. "I don't know,"

"Don't blame this on her!" The bitch woman advanced. Emily sensed red flags and got into a position to which she could jump out the window if need be.

"Why the hell would I blame something on her?" Emily defended. "It's more likely I'd cover for her! Now Get Out!" The bitch woman didn't get out and the man behind him threw her out of his way, this really spooked Emily and she jumped out the window. She was grabbed by the hood of her jacket and she slid out of it and bolted away. She could hear the yelling behind her as she slid a window open and slid in it. Her new mom stared at her incredulously. Emily, looked about and found she'd slid into her mother's room. How convenient.

"I think I made an enemy." Emily said. Her mother pointed to her wrist. Emily looked over and saw the massive bloody mess that had spread when her jacket was pulled from her. "Well. Uh." Then the bitch practically kicked down the door. "HER FAULT!" Emily yelled and pointed. "ALL HER FAULT!" Her mom stood up and dragged the bitch out the door and shut it behind her. Emily could hear yelling and something that sounded like violence but she was okay not knowing. She was contented to know her new mom was giving the bitch what-for.

When her mom came back in, Emily got her wrist cleaned. Though she didn't actually let her mom see the cuts, that'd be obvious and Emily DID NOT want to go apologize to the bitch woman for any reason. When her wrist was bandaged up, (Again something Emily did herself.) she snuck back to her own room. Phaedra was already there, staring at the sharp instrument now hilt deep in the side of the top of the dresser.

"Phae." Emily said seriously. Her friend looked back at her. "Take that as a warning and don't do whatever you did again." Phaedra's gaze darted to her bandaging and nodded.

"Yeah, okay." She nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Eh. I'm not lacking an enemy if that's okay then I'm great." Emily said sarcastically and flopped on her bed. Phaedra took a hold of the hilt to the kunai and pulled. She pulled and leaned and tried to twist.

"I can't get it out." She said. "I really pissed someone off. "

"Ohh. Ya'think?" Emily asked very obviously moving her bandaged wrist into plain sight.

"You're mad at me." Phaedra said depressed.

"I… … I'm mad at everyone Phae." Emily sighed. "It's not you. Sorry for it."

"Nah, why don't I go and leave you be?" Phaedra asked? "Help me get this out of your dresser first."

"Fine. Just whatever you do, don't go to the forbidden side of the house. Kay?" Emily asked drained.

"Can do" Phaedra nodded as Emily got up and took a hand helping Phaedra get the kunai out of the dresser. The two got the thing out and it was thrown by Emily onto the floor and Phaedra patted her good-naturedly. "Sorry mate. This is all my fault. Again." Emily sighed and then yawned.

"Don't mention it." Emily smiled tiredly. "Just stay out of trouble while I take a nap, okay?"

"I will!" Phaedra nodded happily and left the room quietly. Emily slid into her bed and got cozy; she was pretty emotionally drained from all the excitement. She heard her door open.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" She whined. "What now?" She sat up and looked at her mom.

"Where's your sister?" She asked.

"I don't know." Emily sighed. "She just left."

"Well, we're having a big meeting and you and her need to come too." She sighed. Then her mother came and sat on her bed, rubbing her shoulder as lovingly as she could.

"Can't you tell them I'm sick?" Emily whispered.

"No, come on." She said and Emily sighed and got up out of the bed. She followed her new mother to the large living room. She could identify almost all the faces in the room. The bitch woman was glaring at her, and Phaedra was nowhere to be seen.

"Where are they?" The bitch snipped. Emily looked at her new mother pleadingly.

"Why the hell would she have them? Hm." Deidara asked. "Phaedra was flaunting Itachi's."

"And Kakuzu's." The hunched over one chimed in. "It makes senses Phaedra would have all of them."

"So why isn't Phaedra here?" the bitch sneered.

"Probably hiding because she knows you're looking for her." Emily sighed. "Can I go now?"

"Bet you she ran off to find the tenth ring." Kisame said. Phaedra fell from the ceiling in shock.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN TENTH!?" She yelled. "THERE'S TEN?!" Everyone stared at her then to the ceiling trying to figure out where exactly she came from. "SHIT FUCK! THAT MEANS A FIELD TRIP!"

"Whoa!" The Sir said from a corner. "Do you have the rings?" He asked her and Phaedra looked up at him with a grin.

"Pein-sama, you need to beef up your security." She grinned so big it was practically glowing as she held up her hands, the Akatsuki rings on every finger except one. "I'd say I won, but APPARENTLY" She said this very accusingly, "There's one more, I missed. Now, who knows where it is?"

"Orochimaru's ring?" One voice asked curiously,

"Fantastic! Field trip here I come!" Phaedra yelled bolting off, not bothering to return the rings first.

"I got fifty on her coming back with it." Emily said raising her hand.

"I'll match that." The one who probably drove the kunai into the dresser said back.

"Fantastic." Emily retorted and went back to her room to nap.

About a week later…. A letter came for Konan with no return address;

_Did you know your eldest daughter was born dead?_

To this a very concerned Konan sought out Emily, whom she found in her room.

"I received a letter stating you were born dead!" She said worriedly. Emily smiled unnervingly.

"Excuse me. I need to take care of something important." Emily said and left Konan in her room. She hated the side of the house she was going to, but this was victory too close at hand. She found the right room and gave a knock then entered. The man who'd driven the sharp instrument into her dresser, others knew him as Kakuzu, stared at her expectantly.

"It's been a week and Phae's not home. I raise." Emily said still no real emotion in her voice. She was worried the bitch woman would find her any second. The curious look on his face didn't escape her notice.

"Okay." He nodded. "Has Phaedra sent you something?"

"Not that I've been made aware of." Emily said. Which wasn't completely untrue. "Raise to a thousand." He gave her and even more curious look.

"Alright." He said carefully. "I match." Emily nodded and walked back to her room with an evil smirk. Konan was in Emily's room still, now sitting on Phaedra's bed.

"What?" Emily asked surprised. "You're still here?"

"Yes." Konan nodded. She waved the letter about. "This doesn't bother you?"

"I'm surrounded by at least eight or nine men and a woman who kicks the ass of everything threatening and commands the men to do the same." Emily said. "What do **I **have to fear?" Konan nodded at this and gave her eldest a stern hug and walked to the door.

"You know you can talk to us." She said worriedly. "About anything."

"I know." Emily said with a smile. She wouldn't. She had Phaedra when she needed to talk to someone. Phae had been through everything with her. She properly understood. And. She'd be home very soon. Emily wondered if she could somehow delay Phae's coming and up the bet every week she was gone. Emily went back to lying on her bed and reading her comic books, she was growing fond of the idea that soon she'd be able to purchase more and decided she needed to catch up.

It wasn't more than three days after this that Emily heard tapping at her window. She saw Phaedra at her window looking around in a paranoid fashion. Quite used to her strange behavior by now, Emily simply opened the window.

"They're probably watching my room! I need to crash here for a while!" Phaedra said snuggling down into Emily's bed.

"We share a room" Emily pointed out, pointing to Phaedra's bed not two inches from her own.

"Damn." Phaedra swore. "But your bed is so warm!"

"That's because, I WAS SLEEPING IN IT!" Emily yelled. The yelling attracted attention and the first to come was Konan.

"PHAEDRA!" Konan yelled out, rather worried after her youngest had disappeared for a week and three days. The cry of her name brought other interested parties, Deidara was the second and Kakuzu the third. As to why he showed up at all, a thousand ryo was quite a bit to be collecting from the kid who tried to kill him with fabreeze. Phaedra gave a groan but then flew out of Emily's bed. To which Emily hopped in to keep her spot from being taken again.

"Somebody owes me money!" She yelled out, holding her hands out. Now every finger holding a ring.

"I don't fucking believe it." Deidara was the first to say.

"You not only found it." Konan said incredulously. "You somehow _stole _it." Emily was leaning against the headboard with the smuggest of grins.

"Now. WHO OWES ME CASH!" Phaedra yelled.

"Who owes ME cash." Emily corrected.

"Same thing." Phaedra waved her hand. "Cough up the cash; I have things that need'a buyin!"


End file.
